“Why Can’t My Dog Be Normal?”
Some days it can be a real challenge living with a reactive dog or one you find a challenge. They may pull on the leash like a freight train, bark at crows and try to attack them, or they may have more serious issues such as reactivity/fear towards people or other dogs, or guard items or spaces.
We love our dogs; there’s no doubt about that. Regardless of their imperfections, we really want to do best by them. When we face social pressures and judgment from those around us, it only makes things more difficult. Many of us live in shared spaces and close quarter with others. Some of us still live with family members. It may seem sometimes like everyone else has a “normal” dog while you struggle to make minute changes towards the better with your own. How can we cope?
What is the definition of normal? “Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected” (Websters Dictionary)
When it comes to animals and behaviour, there really is no “normal”. It may appear to you from the outside looking in that your neighbor across the street has a very normal and perfect dog. He doesn’t lunge, bark or pull. However, what you might not know is that when he is off leash he indulges in poop-eating and dashes out the front door when not restrained, many times almost being hit by a car. Is this “normal” behaviour? Absolutely, this behaviour is normal for an animal! But, the dog is not perfect, and it may drive the guardian nuts wishing his dog was “normal”. So these a few things to keep in mind when you feel as though you are fighting an uphill battle.
It’s human nature for us to focus on imperfections and dismiss the progress we make in life. Give yourself, and your dog, permission to feel good about the progress you are making. If you are not making progress, seek help from a qualified force-free trainer. Keep a log of some of your successes during the day, even if they are small. Give your dog feedback (think snacks and play) when he gets it right, even for the little things. Don’t look for perfection; we want progress.
You’re going to be judged by your dog’s behaviour and you need to get over it. You cannot change others’ reactions to you, but you can develop a thicker skin and remember that you and your dog are a team. Keep your eye on the ball and focus on your dog, the training you are doing and the progress you are making. If a slip-up happens, it’s just a blip on the radar and part of the learning process. If someone in your life is constantly criticizing you or your dog, then have a script that you repeat to them. “We are working on it, no perfect dogs out there but we are making progress with our training.” Don’t let the negativity get you down and find as many situations as possible to set your dog, and you, up for successes you can use as benchmarks.
Remember that it’s up to us to provide training and guidance for our dogs if we are looking to make changes. The learning process for animals isn’t always an easy road; us humans tend to be inconsistent, confusing and we change the rules for our dogs quite often… leaving them to guess what the heck it is that we want from them! Slow and steady, consistent and clear. If training “isn’t working” then you either need a new trainer, need to clean up your own training, or you aren’t giving things enough time for your dog to make the connection.
Realizing you aren’t in the minority when it comes to your dog and their “abnormal” behaviour can really shed some light onto the subject and reassure you that there are many dogs out there that are misunderstood and perfectly imperfect. If you have a family member or friend that is supportive – lean on them. Ask for help if you need it, find a reactive dog class and make connections so you can meet up when the classes conclude to practice or find an online group that shares accurate information so you can learn more about dogs and their behaviour.
The more we know about animal behaviour and the learning process, the better we can understand why our dogs do what they do. Appreciate your dog for the individual he is, quirks and all.
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